Although there are a large sector of women that also batter, I am writing on the attraction of the “Bad Boys” to women today. These men seek out women that nurture, as much as, women that think they are strong and can fix these men, seek out the “Bad” boys. Most of us have an image in our heads that boys or men that beat up girls or women are “red necks” or at the very least, they come from the lower socio-economic back grounds. The truth is they come from all back grounds including those of wealth.
These men appeal to the sensitive side of women by endearing themselves to them and through evoking their sympathy through their hard-luck stories of childhood. Many of them come from homes of alcohol,drugs or foster care. Not always, but the great majority of them, are victims of abuse whether, it be their own or they watched their mothers being beaten, and in most cases both. Because they endear themselves to girls or women with their stories that require the women’s sympathy and they blame others for misunderstanding their intents and often shower gifts on women. They seek out, women who are attracted to them, and who many times are not aware of the fact, that they are being manipulated by these men.
There is a certain appeal or excitement in these men, to sadly way too many women, that have a need to fix them. Even though the warning signs always show up, many times by the time that they do, these women have gotten very good at lying to themselves. It is very rare when a woman is not warned by either friends or family that this guy is no good and especially no good for her. Along with the need to fix these men, in women, also comes a need to protect both the men as well as their own pride. They originally set out to prove to themselves, as well as friends and family, that these men are just misunderstood and that they can fix them and prove both their friends and family wrong.
It then becomes some kind of almost sick obsession in many cases or a goal to reach to prove them all wrong and herself right. By the time that the relationship has moved to an all-out-rage and abuse many of these women have been warned and denied it so often that it comes down to a real need in them to protect themselves and the man against people who genuinely have the woman’s best interests at heart even when she jeopardizes her own safety, in the process.
The thing that we all need to look out for in these manipulators or abusers then is, that often the relationship begins with showering on of gifts and dinners. Teddy bears, roses and jewelry along with poems and cards are the major gifts. They are many times very charming and endear themselves to both friends and family. Other times they spell out “the Bad Boy” image under no pretense what-so-ever but both are seen as being very nice to the women of interests in the beginning.
Eventually women will hear them blaming everything in their lives that went wrong on someone else. They have more than a temper in that they go into rages. Commonly they will threaten other men, use vulgar words in describing women and others,many are prejudice or show a great deal of antipathy towards a sector of society, they will go into rages and hit windshields, hoods,walls and tables before they will hit or beat up the women in their lives, initially, but it takes little time before they do turn the behavior onto the woman they profess to love.
An apology is as much of a constant in their lives as the beating they hand out, along with the tears that they shed, because they feel so badly after the attacks that women often times will listen to apology after apology before they realize just how empty the apologies are.
They will show a pathological jealously whenever she speaks, smiles or nods to another male especially but sometimes it can include anyone, they will tell the women that they want her just for themselves, that they can not live without her, or that her family and friends do not care for her, he is the only one that truly loves her and in doing so he isolates the woman from both her friends and family.
They will blame women always as the reason that they are the way they are. If they do acknowledge that they have hit women, previously, it always comes out that they slapped the woman that invoked their anger. In their world slap and being beaten nearly to death are one and the same. These same men will also commonly be stalkers if a woman decides to get out and save herself from death. They will harass with both threats and phone calls both her and her family. Many do become homicides. So many of these men are obsessive-compulsive to the point that if they cannot have her they will make sure no -one else has her either.
It is important then that all young women are told before they date that these boys/men do exist. For far too long we as a society have buried our heads in the sand and blamed the victim while excusing the victimizer. We as a Nation, in recognizing our freedoms, have failed to warn about the risk that come along with that freedom.
The reason why this is not a part of the teaching in our public school system is because it would evoke cries of protests and injustice against the male of society. It has always, throughout the beginning of time, been more important to protect the male at the expense of the female. Will we ever learn to warn women that the truth is that the”Bad Boys” are predators to them and not exciting or misunderstood?
With young women in America gaining more freedom to make choices for themselves at an earlier age, they must know that no manner how bored they think they are, or how interesting this type of personality appeals to them, or how smart or how strong they think they are, they are no match for this type of man.
Men do have far-and-away more upper body strength than a woman. Program after program that has been used to stop men from beating women have failed. Violence against women programs simply have proven not to be successful.
It is a disgrace how common this is and yet how ignorant, that we as a society are, when it comes to these predators that run free amongst us. The police can do nothing about it unless we recognize that these men do exist and are a real threat to over half of our population. Instead too many people who should know better are blaming it on the freedom of an American woman to think for herself rather than the fact that there are men that can be and truly are predators against women.
It also holds true in the gay community as well as women abusing boys and men. Because women many times use weapons or poison, their violence can also have equal ramifications. I repeat that we as a Nation must recognize the threat and warn all children before they do start dating about the warning signs of domestic violence.
We would also do well to push our legislatures for the need for equality, as violence that is handled as a greater felony and treated more effectively than it has been in the past, more than anything else, will move us towards gaining protection for all Americans facing domestic violence. I believe that we all can accept the need of better and more effective treatment for all people caught up in the vicious cycle of dometic violence once we do start thinking compassionately as a Nation.