When was the last time or have we ever taken a hard look at ourselves? Many felt that candidate Mitt Romney defeated himself in the election because we really did not know the person, Mitt Romney, when his conversations in private were opposite of his public conversation. The young Tea Party members are expressing the fact that they need to be more inclusive of all Americans and talk about it. Does conversation on a level of rhetoric convince any of us when the actions through their votes deny the same? When Congress holds the middle class hostage as they have for thirty years, in order to make certain the wealthy gain instead, will we believe that they care about all Americans?
Isn’t this true about many of us, in that our conversations are many times opposite of our actions? How inclusive are we in our actions? When I first moved into the Rural areas or took a new job, and I still find it to be true, many of the people I met were so busy asking me questions about myself, while they failed to tell me much of anything about who they were or are.
When couples meet for the first time many times women will tell men much more about themselves than what men will tell about themselves. Many time a majority of men will talk about what jobs they are studying for or hope to get or they hold,hiking,sports,hunting,fishing,women,working out,or any other subject that does not reveal themselves long before they will reveal personal information about themselves.
In the heading about myself on this blog I reveal nothing about myself but state I prefer to let others define me because in writing anything, we will reveal ourselves. Too often people will go into denial about the person they feel they are before they will take an honest look at themselves. Many times if we ask what their belief or philosophies are on important issues of the day, we will many times get back a blank stare before we will get an answer. Other times we hear, ”I really am not interested in that,” “that kind of stuff just makes my mind go numb,” or “I haven’t got a clue about what you are talking about.” Too many people fail to realize that we should at very least take time out to reflect or know our own philosophy on life in order to understand the person that we truly are and embrace.
If we fail to understand our own belief system and the triggers in our own life, that makes us understand why we react to the outside stimulus of life the way we do, then we too many times will spend a lifetime judging others according to standards we do not practice in our own lives. Many times we will live beyond our means and makes excuses as to why we do or look down our noses at those who do with less and find much more happiness in life than we do. Having the courage to look at ourselves on an honest level of really knowing and embracing the person who lives inside of us is what makes us find the joy that we seek.
When our own behavior defies the reality of the person that we are, we leave others feeling as though we are a misguided individual, or brain washed by Society or other people’s philosophy, while we have no clue as to what it is that we truly do embrace. The 2010 election was a perfect example as to how quickly what we knew about our President Barack Obama, could be turned on lies both against him and against Obama care. It took too many to finally realize that is was not our President who changed his commitments to us but the lies that we accepted as truth, that turn our views on him. In the end he won because we recognized that his words matched his actions and as a leader he would fight for our rights.
When we fail to know ourselves then we too many times can be led in life by people who prey on our vulnerability. If we have to ask,”Why am I always attracted to people who are not good for me?” then it is time we discover for ourselves why we have to ask,”Why are we always attracted to the same and what are the triggers in me that makes me continually repeat the same mistakes?” Our friends will make excuses for us and so will our family say things such as,”You are just to kind or trustworthy”, or other answers that actually make us feel better about being attracted to those who prey on us.” When we do not get an honest answer but buy into what others tell us, we keep repeating the same mistakes.
When we learn more about ourselves we often find that we have an irrational need to be needed,or to be made whole by someone else,or there is an insecurity in ourselves that can only be made to feel better by attracting or gathering those who we feel are inferior to us. When we believe we are better than those who we attract too many times we feed our own false ego in the process. The difference between confident people and insecure people is: that those who do know themselves understand their own weaknesses and strengths and their lives indicate that they live according to their own philosophy of self, over that which has been defined by others. When I tell my readers that I would rather be defined by others, it is because I am confident in the person that I am and yet aware enough that even with that, people will define me anyway.
It is when we can change and alter our actions according to the words that we speak that we do become the person we want to be. We do not have one set of standards for ourselves, while holding another set of standards for the clique’s,or the job that we work or the group that we hang with during our free time. When we are true to ourselves then we are true to others as well.
Many times in life we are given tests, or run into road blocks in life, or even marry people that we had no business of marrying. If we do not reflect on ourselves and what our own tolerances or rejections in life are all about, then too often we will go into denial about the person we are. We need a clarity of why we react and why we need to fill an emptiness in ourselves with that which is bad for us. If we do not understand ourselves It will exhibit itself in all kinds of judgement calls against others,acceptance of what we intellectually know and understand to be destructive but we will choose it anyway, and leave us in a state of confusion to the point that we can be led by undesirables.
We heard the word hypocrisy expressed many times during the election year because we did not feel that the candidates spoke on the truth of their own lives and how they have voted or spoken in the past. Too many times the candidates had one set of rules for others while having another set for us, when their own actions betrayed their own words.
When people criticize those who have affairs and gossip about it around the coolers or our coffee table, it is not all that unusual that they themselves have had affairs or will have in the future. Many times the idea of the same has been entertained, at least in their minds, and by downgrading others that have had affairs, they often feel safe in the words that they speak. This is true about many other things that we tear apart in others as we too often fear,”But for the Grace of God there go I.”
Many of us can and do find hypocrisy in people who will malign others regardless of the conversation because we do know and understand our own strengths and weaknesses, and find gossip such a waste of the precious time each of us are allotted in life. I personally am bored by such talk because I want to know you and what is your banner that you promote and stand for, or will fight for, and what it is about you that is special.
Each of us,regardless of what others think about us,will find that we are uniquely an individual that is special in an area of expertise that makes us the way we are. We will also often discover that much of what made us think we knew better than others, is our weak point. When we know ourselves we leave behind so much of the waste and the distractions that separates us from the joy,that we feel in knowing we are our own person and much stronger and competent that we believed ourselves to be in some cases and in other cases we find a total humbling experience.
Either way it is in knowing ourselves we will not only do what is best for us but we will also do what is best for everyone else as well. When our actions match our words we do not tolerate bigots nor do we reject the equal rights of others but instead we become more inclusive of the understanding that we are all working towards the same goals in our lives. Happiness often comes at a price and if we do not seek it through hard work and honesty of self, we often find that we fail it instead of it failing us.
I wish all of us a clarity of self this Holiday Season because we do know and understand that our limits range from the amount we can afford to spend on gifts to the amount of triggers in us that causes us to be upset by other’s rude behavior and words. It is not wrong to discover sometimes, that it is time to throw the bums out of our lives, and to embrace the Independence in ourselves that makes all of us strong enough to carry the crosses we are asked to bear. We must understand at the same time, there are triggers in us that causes bad reactions in others and work towards changing those triggers in ourselves, as well.May we all have a Blessed Holiday Season and a Happy New Year!